The Antisociality of Social Media Part 6: Cute Puppies are Cute

Like if you like chocolate. 

Share if you love chocolate.

 Comment if you have no taste buds, but would definitely give chocolate a shout out. 

Ignore if you are the devil.

--A true smartass

I posted that as my Facebook status update the other day. Granted, it did not reflect the fact that my heart rate, pulse and breaths per minute were all normal (#clinicalstatusjokes), nor did it answer the pressing Facebook question, "What's going on, Tina?" 

But it did satisfy my inner social scientist inquiring mind. As a result of this little experiment, I can conclude that 13 of my friends like chocolate, none love chocolate, two do not have taste buds, but would give chocolate a shout out, and the rest are all the devil's spawn. Either that or they just rolled their eyes, shook their heads and said, "Oh, for the love of Rudolph! How do you hide people from showing up in your News Feed?" Devil's spawn is funnier, though.

For all social media's faults, our online tools of communication have sparked a resurgence of the chain letter. Remember those nights of lying awake wondering if in three days a bolt of lightning was going to strike you down because you tossed that chicken scratch letter in the trash and didn't mail it to the 17th person under the G-names in the phone book? Remember the phone book?

Now the chain letters come in the form of taunting images with captions that insist you are going to suffer the wrath of hell fire if you don't "like" or "share." Sometimes they are made and posted by well-meaning folk who just want to make people think and spread a little love. Sometimes they are shared by not-so-well-meaning folk who just have far too much time on their hands. Regardless of the initiating poster, they all serve the purpose to remind you of one thing--you are a horrible person who does not love your mother and likes to kick puppies.

Well I don't consider myself a horrible person. I love my mother dearly. And if it weren't for lease limitations and allergies, I'd be a kind Cruella De Vil, hoarding all the cute puppies for my own cuddling purposes. To set the record straight, I do not think any of my friends are the devil's spawn, either.

So, dear readers, I'd like to take this opportunity to preempt any tests of my affection by instituting some standing "like" orders. While some of this may constitute stating the obvious, it bears repeating for the simple purpose of keeping me safe from random bolts of lightning.

1. Cute puppies are cute. Period.
2. So are cute kittens.
3. As a matter of fact, baby animals of all kind are cute.
4. Well, except for naked mole rats. Those are ugly.
5. And so are baby warthogs. Eeek!
6. Alright, I'll relent. Baby animals are cute. Period. I have to consider that there are different strokes for different folks. Who am I to judge folks who like to stroke baby warthogs? Have at it, freaky people.
7. I love my Mom.
8. I love my Dad.
9. I love all Moms and Dads.
10. My husband is the best.
11. Your husband is the best. If you say so. Just quit bitching about him, now that you have posted that he is the best.
12. I want all kids to be healthy, safe and loved.
13. I love my God. You can love yours. All the rest can love cute puppies.
14. Little kids singing are cute. Except for when they make up the sound track of scary movies. Then, not so cute.
15. Freedom is good. Freedom is great. 2016. Save the date.
16. Can't help but rhyme sometime.
17. If you think it is cute, then fine, it's cute.
18. Anything not listed in here is cute.
19. Any moms, dads, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, etc. are the best.
20. Cute puppies are still cute.