This Girl

Dear young people sitting at the table next to me who are obviously on a date, Put those stupid iPhones away and pay attention to each other. We've all done it. Admit it. We've all been smartphone douche bags. It's a cultural change that might not have been welcome or anticipated. But it is here. Smartphone douchery is as commonplace as highs of 67 in June in Chicago. Wait...what? Nevermind. Anywho, I was out for a casual dinner at a pub with the hubby the other night and next to us--as in, not quite a foot away due to European style table crampery--was a young couple who appeared to be on a date. I don't know, maybe they were bro-and-sis and were playing a blinking game. But the short-lived longing stares said one thing--either fireworks were about to hit or there's going to be a heartache tonight.

A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. is an acronym. --as posted on Urban Dictionary Scientists are a curious bunch--and I'm not just talking about our yearning for answers. We tend to use big words like pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis , which basically means something icky is junking up your lungs. Actually, I had never seen that word until about 24 seconds ago when I googled "big science words." But still, we use big words and because we like to pat ourselves on the back for being so busy saving the human race, the planet, the universe and cute puppies from total destruction, we don't have a lot of time to waste using those big words. Solution? Acronyms.

Insanity laughs, under pressure we're cracking Can't we give ourselves one more chance --Under Pressure Queen, David Bowie I got my first taste of the news when I was a young sap, watching the great Walter Jacobson with my Dad. It was pretty much an evening ritual--newspaper, Wally, and maybe a little Dan Rather. Somewhere in there, Dad managed to eat dinner. I just can't remember the order of events. What I do remember is that this pretty much sums it up. There was no gluing of eyes to the tube watching talking head after talking head report the same exact story over and over, but with a different touch of flair. There was no getting up early in the morning to share your coffee with two spiffy gents and the token female who should really rethink the amount of time she spends in tanning beds. Reading prepared remarks from a teleprompter or repeating what the producer says in your earpiece is hardly what I would call "analysis," but somehow it passes as ...

BREAKING: ENTERTAINMENT NEWS: Reality TV power house, Bravo announced today that it will be addressing Punctuation Mark Addiction in a new series, Breaking  Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad Habits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The idea for the show was pitched by the Collective Union of Simple Messages, or CUOSM, after a campaign to fight message loss through punctuation mark abuse failed miserably. CUOSM teamed up with the informal organization the Punctuators to stall what appeared to be unsustainable punctuation overpopulation. The message had an anticlimactic effect, though, when social media users started sharing the memes originating from the campaign, while adding comments like "So True!!!!!" and "IKR?????!!"

My first encounter with social media was Facebook. At the time, I had no idea what it was and felt I had passed the age limit for such things anyway. A bit old school, I still held on to the belief that social networking meant popping by your friend's office and seeing what's doing for the night. When we had a meet up, we'd actually meet up--as in, at someone's house. It was expected that you just wouldn't BYOB, but you'd also bring your game face, belly laugh, tears and your provocative commentary. It was kind of like "The View," but without the redhead...Did we have a redhead in the bunch? I'm just not remembering a redhead. But I digress. Again. Anywho, I had moved on to another phase in life that was met with yet another circle of friends who were younger and more tech savvy than yours truly. We'd get together a couple times a week to blow off steam. One time I missed an opportunity to smack down a rival bar trivia team once and for all...

Last November I wore purple just about every day of the month. Whether it was earrings, a bracelet, t-shirt, underwear didn't matter--every day was purple day. I like the color purple and all-- movie included--but it's not exactly my favorite. You have to think a little with purple. It just doesn't "go" with anything. And depending on the fabric and shade, it can leave one feeling like Barney's surgically removed conjoined twin. Wearing purple had nothing to do with my taste in color. It just happened to be the color associated with Epilepsy Awareness and November was Epilepsy Awareness Month. Normally colors might go unnoticed, but I'm not exactly a proud peacock in my choice of apparel. So when people noticed me wearing my purple bling, they'd remark how nice it was or how it made my complexion pop. Taking that as my cue to deliver my lines, I'd tell them about my sweet nephew who has Doose Syndrome, a rare form of childhood epilepsy that is...

"What? Is this a baby shower?" --Karen Swallow Prior, in The Atlantic A Sunday night in March in Chicago. Clothes dryer humming. Wind whistling through the cold, urban canyon. 60 Minutes segment on the plight of Pussy Riot just wrapped up. March Madness is dominating headlines. Even I'm distracted by the madness as my team earned a spot in the second round today. Keep it up ladies--sweet sixteen is only a game away. Christian folk are gearing up for Holy Week. Lucky duck spring breakers are breaking. Lots going on this month. Did I mention it was 15 degrees on the first day of spring and that the snow is still flying in parts of the Plains? All this made me wonder: who's the Madame Curie who got the bright idea to have Women's History Month in March?