Skip to main content

Businessese for Dummies

I recently came across this article on Yahoo outlining "10 Things You Should Never Say at the Office." I'll admit that I expected to see a list of swear words, variations on the use of F-bombs and derogatory comments about bosses. While these were noticeably absent, the list did provide a nice snapshot of terms that business rookies may encounter in this wonderful world of new words designed to dress up old words to lessen the blow they are meant to deliver.

Ms. Harris' list is not exhaustive, though. Given this degree of disconnect, I'd like to leverage my meager experience on the cutting edge in order to reach out and socialize with you, dear reader, so that you may be armed with some game-changing, value-add anecdotes, in the event that this whole thing goes viral and you have to circle back to it is what it is.



Problem - Strike this from your vocabulary. It does not exist in its raw form. Please read on.

Opportunity - A small problem. Example: "The copier stopped printing this morning. What an excellent opportunity to check the paper tray."

Challenge - A big problem. Example: "The paper tray was full of paper. There must be a greater challenge causing the copier not to print. Perhaps the toner is low."

Stakeholder - Anyone who is in a position to complain about the work you do, and thus, can affect your performance review. Example: "Who are your stakeholders? This is important to know, as you ultimately are beholden to them."

Engage - Talk to someone; especially if it is someone with whom you have not spoken in a while and has lead to a  challenging opportunity. Synonym: Reach out. Example: "You need to engage your stakeholders more. I am hearing things."

Tap that - No, this is not what you think it is. It implies the use of a resource or talent pool for your team's advantage. Synonyms: Tap into that; leverage. Examples: "Someone left a whole crate of copy paper in the hallway. We need to tap into that." Or: "Bill and Melinda Gates will be in the office giving away money? We need to tap that. This could be a game changer."

Reassess - Admit there is a problem without admitting there is a problem. Example: "The satisfaction survey results are in. This is an excellent opportunity to reassess the challenges we will face moving forward."

Lessons learned - What went wrong following an unexpected challenge. Example: "The lesson learned from the challenges we faced with the copier this morning is that we should always have a spare toner on hand should we be faced with another opportunity to make copier improvements."

Get on board - Convince someone that they should do something they really don't want to do. Example: "You should reach out to your colleagues and get them on board, so that when we are faced with this opportunity again, it will be easier to engage them in the copier-fixing process."

So, that's my two cents. While my list is not exhaustive, either, it is what it is.

And just keep in mind, dear reader, that moving forward, there will be no circling back.

Popular posts from this blog

The Antisociality of Social Media (Part 1)...Who Are We? How Did We Get Here?

(Response forthcoming in part two) I'm bad with names. I can remember a face no problem. But names are automatically sent to an unlockable vault deep within the cortex of my brain. I don't know if it is my short term memory that is a problem or long term. I have forgotten names of people I have just met while they are finishing their "Hi, I'm so and so. Nice to meet you." You had me at Hi and lost me by "I'm so and so." Likewise, I also can't remember the names of people I grew up with. I dread going out and about in my hometown for fear that I will run into someone who is purportedly my BFF from 1986 and I just don't remember his or her name to save my life. I'm partial to the Elaine Benes idea that we should all wear name tags. (For those not familiar with Seinfeld, Google it.) Now, one might be inclined to suggest that I see a neurologist to have a thorough hippocampus evaluation. But I'm not so sure the problem is c...

Overpopulaton of Punctuation Marks Threatens Message Extinction

[Because this bears repeating in such desperate times] Scientists report that a recent rise in the overuse of punctuation marks will ultimately lead to the demise of the common message. It is not known if the increasing trend of ending a sentence with multiple and in some cases, mixed, punctuation marks is the result of the natural evolution of messaging, or if human actions are speeding the process. What is clear, though, is that punctuation marks and messages are not taking their impending doom lying down. In a rare twist of bipartisanship, punctuation marks and messages came together to call for measures to halt the message crisis and return our civilization back to the days of making points in a clear, concise manner. Speaking for the punctuators, Exclamation point stated, "I'm a loner. You don't need two of me. The whole purpose of my existence is to accentuate a  point. I thought I was doing that just fine already." Mr. Question Mark had this to...

Planning for Parenthood Involves Maintaining Your Health. Or, Why I Support Planned Parenthood

Given that I don't have kids, the title of this post may seem a bit odd. What do I know about planning for parenthood, right? I don't have much room to talk, right? Sure, I might not be one of the lucky ones who enjoys the joys of little bundles of joy, but I'm going to ask you to cut me a little slack before you judge. After all, at the age of nineteen, when I first moved away from home to prepare for a career in Radiography, I did not know I would be childless many moons later.