"I never met a like I didn't like."--Roy W. Rogers
Okay, so I made that quote up. But when you think about it, who doesn't like a like?
To humans, the need to be liked is so visceral. It is a means to achieve inner peace. It is the necessary feedback to assess whether one is on the right path or should consider the options. There are different degrees of "like," though, and sometimes it is difficult to tell if a person likes you likes you, or just likes you. And if your counterpart particularly is adept at putting on the poker face, it can be quite a hardscrabble to determine if there is any liking to be had at all.
Social media has provided a solution to this liking conundrum. With a click of the mouse--and sometimes the brush of a finger on a touch pad--one can officially declare the likability of a post/photo/status update/link, etc. The like button provides a quick and dirty mechanism to feed our inner Id.
But just as in real face-to-face circumstances, online likes can be difficult to interpret. More than just liking or liking-liking, the like button can take on a variety of meanings and confer a range of degrees of agreement. What I offer you, dear reader, is a cheat sheet of like definitions so that not only may you assess the likes you receive more accurately, but also decide whether you should hit the like button yourself. Enjoy.
Or not.
The "Throw them a friggin' bone" like: Used to let those friends who like everything you post know that you like them, too, but just have a poor track record on hitting the like button.
The Casual like: Kind of like casual sex. You actually like the post at the time, but don't want it followed up with, you know, a Birthday calendar request or something.
The "Meh" like: Well, that was cute. So what else is new?
The "I've not met you, and this is crazy, but we're friends on Facebook, so I'll like this, maybe" like: To be used cautiously when tip toeing into new relationships with online friends who may or may not be serial killers.
The "I think it sucks that you are sick, but I don't have time to call and wish you well, so I'll just "like" your status stating that you feel icky today" like: Self explanatory.
The "Please don't interpret my like as agreement with the bat-shit crazy person quoted in the article you posted" like: This one says, "No, I really don't hate <insert favorite oppressed group name here>. I just think the article you posted was very informative and should be read by the masses."
The "Did Anyone See That?" like: You think that dirty joke is hilarious, but are wondering if the fact that you liked it is going to get you fired.
The Guilty Pleasure like: This one says, "Yes, I can quote every Facts of Life episode verbatim. What of it?"
The "Johnny Come Lately" like: For those instances when you forgot to like your BFF's last status update and don't necessarily like the current one, but feel obliged to extend the like.
The 1000th like: A like given by that one friend who is just dying for someone to, please, for the love of God, like them back.
The "B's Be Crazy" like: Says the same thing as "I know, right?"
The "Can't We All Just Get Along" like: Mostly reserved for political season, when your politics are a complete 180 from most of your friends, but you do, in fact, like them and think they are genuinely good people.
The Obligatory like: For that family member who nobody really likes but you all feel the need to patronize anyway to avoid that inevitable melt down during the next family get-together.
The "I Know You Didn't Mean Me" like: The 20 or so likes that are sure to follow from the family members who think I meant someone else besides them in that last definition.